So for some reason, I have a really hard time making friends. That is probably the hardest thing about moving for me. We have been here 5 months, so I know it isn't' a really long time, but I would like to have a friend. I have some who live with in an hours drive, but I need someone closer.
I have been praying, and trying to see who I can serve. I have been trying to reach out to others, but I feel like no one needs me. That is a very discouraging feeling.
Last night I went to a ward enrichment meeting, (A gathering of the women in our congregation), that was held explicitly for the purpose of letting the women visit. I kept approaching people and trying to talk to them, and they would talk to me for a minute, and then move away to talk to someone else. I don't think any of them were trying to be mean. I think they were just trying to mingle. But it left me with the feeling that no one really wanted to talk to me. I started feeling really dejected, and said a little prayer, hoping I wasn't going to start crying. I then went and sat down by myself, because I just didn't know what else to do. At this point I had one woman call me over and introduce me to the person sitting by her. I then sat there and listened to side conversations. This was better than nothing, but still not really inclusive. I tried to give my input, but felt like no one really wanted to listen. Then finally during the last 5 or 10 min, someone approached me and started talking to me. That helped a whole lot, but I still ended the evening feeling kind of dejected and alone.
I really felt strongly, when we were looking for a house that this is where the Lord wants us. I just wish I knew why. So far all I do is stay at home and be a mom to my kids. Which is important, but I could do that anywhere. So why am I here?
6 comments:
I feel your pain. If we lived closer to each other I would be there in a heartbeat. I sometimes feel the same way. My only real friend here is as old as my mother and has many health problems, so we don't get together all that much. I had to push myself into groups here. I attend girl's night once a month and the bunco group every 2 or 3 months. It is so hard to make real friends and it is even harder at times to not get out of the house every once in awhile. Your ward should be doing little Enrichment groups and if they aren't, start one yourself. You are a good seamstress, invite some sisters over who want to learn how to sew. Or invite another young family over for dinner, your husband is a great cook. Try something new and go outside of your comfort zone. It helps and I hope I've helped.
I'm so sorry! I hope that all looks up for you!
Do you have a calling yet? If not, how about you ask the Bishopric for one? That would be a good way to serve.
One thing that I do when I'm looking for someone to reach out to, is to look for someone with similar interests. I don't know if your ward has a high turnover rate like your previous ward, but I've often found that listening when people talk about themselves and pointing out things that we had in common seemed to help! (Maybe in your case, looking for a family with a small baby the same age as yours!)
I know that I was particularly drawn to your family because of your standards! It seems hard to find people like you, and I wish there were more!
Julie, You know I too would come and visit you if we were in the same town. I agree with what both of these ladies have to say. Invite someone over, start a class, etc. Good luck and know that I love you!!!
You know, we have lived here for more than two years, and while I have a lot of friends I rarely get invited out or over to anyone's house, and hardly ever get a phone call "just because". It makes me realize that I need to do more reaching out. I need to be the one to do the inviting and calling. One thing I've done in the past is a theme potluck lunch for moms and their kids. I pick a theme (this is great around a holiday) and make or e-mail invitations to everyone that has kids around my kids' ages asking them to bring something (anything) that follows that theme. We did it last year for Halloween and had a blast. People brought some GREAT food and everyone had a good time.
If you don't want a lot of people over, invite a child from Cinderella's Primary class (and her mom) over for a play date. If you do it over lunch, things are more relaxed. Just make something simple and fun for the kids and maybe have one planned activity, and put an end time on the date (scheduled nap times are a great excuse) so you can either get out of an uncomfortable situation easily or end things while everyone is still enjoying each other (there are few things worse than a play date that has gone SO long the kids can't stand the sight of each other anymore).
Good luck!
these are great comments, but sometimes it's just still hard and lonely! our last ward was kind of like that: people were friendly and nice, but no one really needed us. i never felt that we were a part of things. it didn't help that financially we were struggling so much that i was embarrassed to invite anyone over (thank goodness that's changing), or that the ladies i did like talking to at church had children my age, so what do i ask them over to do? hang out and watch my kids play? they were past that stage.
i never did figure out what to do (we moved, but not because of that), but hang in there. Heavenly Father will help this all work out.
I've been in the same ward for 4 years. I've joined play groups for my kids, gone to enrichment, I'm a primary teacher, and I really don't fit in this ward either. IDK what it is, but it really is lonely. I hope things get better for you. At least you're still trying.
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