Sleep! Why won't she sleep?

For as long as we have known Bunny she has had trouble sleeping.  Sometimes have been better than others, but it has been an ongoing problem.  When she first came she would wake up, scream for a few hours, and maybe go back to sleep.  My memory is hazy about when that changed.  But she reached a point that she wouldn't scream, if I was in there with her, but she would still be awake for hours.  I think we got past that for a while, but I really am not sure.  Nap times were also a struggle, but at least during that time it didn't interfere with anyone elses sleep.

Then I read that I wasn't supposed to have her in a pack-n-play, but that she was entitled to a "regular sized bed" which for her age could be a crib, toddler bed, or twin.  Because she was almost 2 I decided I would rather buy a toddler bed than a crib she would soon out grow.  That was a mistake.  Because now she had the freedom to roam the room and wake her sister.  

At this point we moved her sister to a different room, so at least her sleep wouldn't be interrupted.  Angel would start out in there, unless Bunny started out the night by not letting her even get to sleep (or stay asleep if she had already dozed before who ever was putting them to bed left.)  However we would move her at the first sign of trouble.  

Bunny didn't like that, so sometimes she would be better, simply because she didn't want to be alone.  Even when Angel wasn't in the room, Bunny would still wake up, scream, kick the door, have a total meltdown, if I wasn't in there.  Then, we decided to try having the hubs do in there instead.  That worked for a while.

We got a weighted blanket, and that helped.  Until she decided she didn't like it.  I would still try to use it but she would take it off.

When we cut off contact with bio parents that helped.  She started sleeping better, but it still was a struggle.  At some point we moved Angel back in, we were worried she might feel she didn't have a place she belonged.  And eventually things got better, at least at night time.  Naps were still a struggle, often she wouldn't fall asleep, and would tear apart anything in the room that she could find a way to tear apart.

We made a lot of progress, she got so she wouldn't wake up Angel, and she would often be content to lie quietly in her bed, looking at books during the night when she couldn't sleep.  However, nap times got rough.  I would go in with her, read her a story, then I would sit quietly until she either fell asleep or asked me to leave.  If I left while she was awake, I could pretty much plan on her staying awake.  

We were also working on potty training, and unfortunately right after lunch (nap time) was also the time of day she would poop.  I would try to encourage her to poop when we went to the potty before going in her room.  Sometimes she would, but it turned into a major power struggle.  Not worth it. 

The problem was, she didn't always poop during that time of day,  but usually did.  And when she would poop in her room, (sometimes this even happened if I got her to poop first), she would try to change the diaper herself.  Poop would get all over and she would start crying.  I would come and find a frustrated little girl covered in poop. 

This wasn't healthy, I asked therapists for advice.  Started checking on her more during quiet time, and this didn't happen as much.  Then she started taking off her pull-up if she even peed in it.  I know it is a good thing when a child who is potty training can't stand to be in something that is soiled or wet, but this made nap time all the more difficult.  At the same time, she finally started being alot more consistent in falling asleep during nap time.

I felt the time had come, that I needed to remove the child safety lock from her door knob so she could go to the bathroom.  The problem with this is that now she was free to roam the house getting into anything and everything she could find, when she woke up in the middle of the night.  And unfortunately she had discovered ways to climb and get into more hazardous materials than before.  She is not one who understands boundaries and safety.  She is fiercely independent, which can be a good thing, but it can also make it hard to keep her safe.

The girls went to visit their aunt last weekend.  When they came back on Monday, Bunny was more independent than before, (if that is possible).  This isn't uncommon behavior after a weekend visit.  The change in routine always brings some adjustments when they come back.  However, the break from them is much needed at times because if how emotionally and physically exhausting they can be.  (Kids with trauma take a lot more out of you).

When she wouldn't stay in her room at nap time and night time, I felt for her safety I needed to put the knob cover back on.

Lately she has been strongly rebelling against anything that feels restraining.  She refused to be buckled in at the table and often falls off her chair and gets hurt as a result.  And she knows how to unbuckle her table booster, so the buckle doesn't really help.  We even removed the booster, and she kept falling, because she would stand or kneel up on her chair so she could reach.  

I know this seems like a tangent, but I'm getting somewhere.  She also hates being buckled in in the car.  Thankfully she hasn't learned how to unbuckle herself there yet.  I dread that day.  

She hates wearing socks and shoes and takes them off any chance she gets.

Anyway, I think part of our current issue is kick back for putting the cover back on the door.  But she is back to waking her sister up.  The last 3 nights, I have been consistently woken up by Angel at 3:30.  Bunny won't let her sleep.  This also happened one other time this week.  We had 1 day of repeave in between.  Anyway 3 nights ago, after much dibackle we ended up moving Angel to our floor so that she could sleep.  Bunny never went back to sleep that night.  She screamed, she kicked the door, and she finally ended up playing with her toys.

The next night, when I told her I would move Angel to my room again if she wouldn't let her sleep, she decided to be quiet.  I could tell she was still having trouble getting back to sleep, so I gave her some melatonin, and softly stroked her face for at least an hour, then she went back to sleep.

Yesterday I tried keeping her up from her nap.  It was a very long day.  She needs constant supervision when she is out of her room.  And because she hasn't been sleeping well she is extra grumpy.  She wants to be held, no she wants to be held.  I put her in a carrier.  She was happy for a while, then started the up, down, up game again.

She still didn't want to go to sleep when it was bed time, and I was still woken up by Angel.  Only this time it was 4:30 because daylight savings time has started.  The hubs was kind enough to go in their, but I am having trouble going back to sleep, so I decided to write this instead.

Now I have to decide.  Do I put her down for a nap today, or keep her up?

Learning From Mistakes

Do you ever have one of those moments when you did the best you could and then shortly after learned you did it totally wrong? 
That was my last post.  That post was made on a Thursday, and then that night the Hubs and I went to our TBRI class.  I don't remember exactly what all we learned in class that night, however there was a moment when I was able to tell about my day and ask for advice.
The advice I got from our instructor was something like, "I would spend time with her, connecting and trying to figure out her need.  Maybe she is making herself sick because she is stressed over something. You have to figure out the need.  And be very careful with consequences.  Consequences need to be natural and directly related to the offence.  For example, if you have a 10 year old child who is riding their bike around outside late at night and you have no idea where they are and they don't get home until after midnight, a natural consequence would be to lose the privilege of the bike for a time."

Here I had a child who was pushing my buttons.  She as frustrating me, so I went and locked myself in my room to get away from her.  How is that helping her be better?  Sure it is helping me to not "flip my lid"  but it doesn't help her learn.

I am sure children have these kind of moments all the time.  They are learning so much, and know so little.  They often make mistakes to have us or some other adult or older child come and tell them how they got it all wrong.  It was embarrassing and humiliating for me to learn how wrong I had handled that day.  So I need to imagine how my children feel when they make mistakes that they didn't know better, or are still learning the foundation behind them.