So Cinderella has entered a stage lately that I don't know how to deal with. It probably doesn't help that I am currently sleep deprived. But she is ornery, and screams all the time. Any time she doesn't get her way she starts screaming, and then she turns and hits Guy.
Sometimes he deserves it, I guess. He does egg her on, but I don't think that kind of behavior is ever acceptable. Then when I try to discipline she totally ignores me, and does what she can to get out of the discipline. I try to ignore her behavior when I feel like it can be ignored, but sometimes it can't.
For example. This morning I had Sleeping Beauty laying on the floor, while I was sorting laundry. Cinderella was talking to her, but then decided that it would be a good idea to jump over her. Well, that is one action I can't condone. But knowing that she might not even realize there is something wrong with doing this, I calmly explained that doing this can hurt the baby, and that she needs to not do it. She said OK, then waited till I went back to the laundry, and then started jumping again.
I once again told her she can't jump over the baby, because it can hurt the baby. Then I asked her if she understood what I was saying. She just stared at me, and refused to acknowledge that I had even said anything. It is at this point that I start fuming, and get frustrated. I asked her several times if she understood. Finally she said she did. I let her go, and then she went and stood next to the baby, and acted like she was going to jump, and said, "no, I don't understand." So I made her take a time out, by sitting on a stool, in the laundry room with me. She sat there for a minute then stood up, and looked at me with this look that seemed to say, "how are you going to make me, mom?"
This kind of defiant attitude is the way she is treating all of my discipline tactics lately. I know a big part of it is the age and stage. But the thing is, I know I really can't force her to take a time out. I can't force her to say she is sorry. I can't force her to not hit her brother. She is right, I can't make her. But I don't want her to get the message that the boundaries that are set aren't real, and aren't going to be enforced.
So I want to know if any of you have any suggestions of what you have done with your children in this stage, or what you would do.
6 comments:
I wish I could help, but I am having the same problems with my almost 5-year-old. If you find something that works, let me know.
That is one of the hardest stages. The only thing you can do is be consistent and pick your battles carefully. It helps to have a list of the MOST important rules, along with the consequences for breaking them, explained and posted in a visible area. Enforce the rules no matter what. It's like Sebastian on The Little Mermaid says, "You give them an inch, they walk all over you!"
Know that it WILL get better eventually. She's just testing the boundaries.
I agree with The Osborne Family and what they posted. You do have to choose your battles. You can't fight all of them and have any sanity left! So think of worst-case-scenario with each battle. If worst case scenario is that someone will get hurt, then you should probably intervene. However, if worst case scenario is simply annoying or a little messy perhaps... then you don't need to fight that battle unless you want to. Good luck with that. It must be really frustrating.
Another idea is, instead of disciplining for some things, change it into something acceptable.
For example. If she is jumping over the baby, but hasn't actually hurt the baby, maybe she doesn't need discipline. She just needs redirection. You could say something like, "I cannot let you jump over this baby, but you may jump over THIS baby" (a baby doll). Show her what she CAN do. If she wants to jump, show her where she CAN jump. That will give her something else to do...
I don't know whether it works or not, since my kids are younger than yours... but that's what I would do anyway. Seems like people who haven't been there yet have the most advice to give... but anything is worth a shot, right?
It's called a BELT!
Ok. Just kidding. Really! I took a class this last quarter that was a behavior management class geared more towards special education. However, there was a main theme/topic that could be applied to any situation: behavior management. One of the interesting things I learned is that WE often TEACH kids to misbehave, of course un-intentionally. This varries from child to child. Sometimes ignoring a child will stimulate that child and give them that reinforcement to their misbehavior, eventhough you may be trying to correct the misbehavior. Sometimes the child is stimulated by your aggression, or frustration, and will continue to do things to get that stimulation. It was a very informative class. I reccommend looking into maybe a community service course, or speak to a behavior managment instructor at a university. Very enlightening, really. A lot of the stuff even applied to our dogs. Can you believe that?!!!
Adam
Wow. I hate defiance. For Tyler we would give what he would call "heat time outs." They involved work on our part, but they really seemed to work. We would have him lay down on the floor, face down and then we would pin him down to the floor with our bodies, but we would not put our full body weight on him. It is kind of hard to describe. The reason he calls them "heat time outs" is because John would usually blow hot air on his neck and he hates that. Just know that it doesn't get any better for awhile. Tyler still is pretty bad, but not as bad as he used to be. Being in school has helped him a lot. Rewards for good behavior help too. We let him play on the computer only if he has been nice to Jenna and Curtis and he has also picked up the living room. He likes the computer a lot so he tries hard to get time on it. Sometimes all he needs is a cooling off period in his room. Good luck.
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