What do I want? And how do I get it?

So I have discovered lately that one of my biggest problems is not really knowing what I want. I have ideas of what kind of results I want, but find myself unsure of how to get there. I am afraid to initiate anything, because if no one responds it feels like personal rejection.

Lately I have been feeling the need to get out and interact with other adults. But if the group is too large I have a hard time drawing myself out, I just sit back and take things in, then go home feeling bad for myself because no one talked to me. But who did I talk to? Why do I get upset about others not reaching out to me, when I am not reaching out to them?

Sometimes, I will tell myself that I am going to do better this time, I am going to talk to someone, but when I look around, it seems like every one is already talking to someone, and I feel like I would be intruding to join in on their conversation. So then I try to watch for someone who isn't talking, and either I don't find anyone, or if I do they often don't seem to be interested in talking to me.

My husband suggested that maybe I could find a different group of people that get together like a book club or a choir. I don't want something that I have to commit to being active in for a long period, because I will need to take a break when the baby comes. So an audition choir group is probably out. I tried to do some research to see what is available near me already, and it seems what I can find is book clubs of religious nature that isn't mine, some so much to the extent that they are anti my religion. So I don't think that is the right place. There is a mommy group that specifies it is for non-Mormon mommies, so I don't know if I would be comfortable or wanted there.

There are some that sound fun but they aren't very close in location. So it would require a lot of driving if I wanted to attend very often. I could start my own group but I would feel obligated to keep it going when I have my baby, which I don't know if I would be able to do, and I am afraid I wouldn't get any interest, and so it would just be a big rejection.

I know that feeling like I need other people to provide my fun, will just leave me feeling depressed, but I'm not sure how to initiate activities, that others will want to come to, and not get my feelings hurt if no one shows.

Any suggestions?

Update 2

So I just thought I'd let y'all know I am doing much better. The bleeding stopped, and everything is looking the way it should.  The only downside is that I am still tired all the time, and dealing with morning sickness, but hey isn't that what the first trimester is all about?

My husband's brother and sister-in-law are helping me out by watching my older two kids for a few weeks.  Today was the first day, but it was nice to be handling just 2 kids instead of 4.

Anyway, thanks for the thoughts and prayers.

sugar, and spice, and all that's nice

I have found that my last two pregnancies (my current one, and when I was pregnant with Spike) have presented me with an interesting dilemma. A strong distaste for sweetened foods. With Spike I think I was farther along, and I don't remember making any specific diet choices, other than just not eating sweets when they were offered.

However this go round, I am currently in a stage where I feel sick if I have gone more than 5 minutes without eating. My current snack has been blueberries, which are wonderful, but sometimes I need something with more substance. But I am having a hard time coming up with ideas that aren't sweetened.

And I am having a hard time coming up with breakfast ideas. For breakfast we usually have things like pancakes, cream of wheat, oatmeal, bagels, etc. Most of which are usually served with added sweeteners, or are sweetened themselves. I guess I can skip any topping, I think that might be what I did last time.

Anyway, I am wondering if anyone has any suggestions. Maybe things I haven't thought of. Oh, and I am against fake sugars, and really sweets just don't appeal to me, so I don't think substituting other sweeteners is the answer.

Any suggestions?

Update

I just got back from an ultrasound. I haven't talked to the nurse or dr yet, so I don't know what they will say. I saw a heart beat, the technician said the baby looked healthy. However I am still spotting, so at least until I hear otherwise or the bleeding stops, I am still supposed to take it easy. My load definitely feels lighter now.

Tears

Three weeks ago I found out I was pregnant again. It was a little surprising, but not unexpected. I had been moody, and feeling sick for a few weeks. So I took a pregnancy test, and it was possitive. It took me a little while to accept it, but I finally did. I have been feeling pretty normal except for morning sickness, exahstion, and an emotional rollercoaster. This last week we spent the majority of the week with my husbands family at a reunion. On Wednesday as I was getting ready to go to bed I niticed some blood, while using the bathroom. Thursday morning I was still bleeding, and very worn out. It wasn't a lot of blood, but I was still worried. I called my OBGYN's office, and the nurse ordered some blood work, and pelvic rest. I am the mother of young children so I can't do nothing, but am trying to take it as easy as possible. The blood commes and goes, as well as some mild cramps. I am so afraid I am going to loose the baby. I know I need to ask people for help, but I don't really know what to ask for. And I hate being needy. I feel so guilty, becase my house is a disaster, my kids are spending the day playing the computer, I have no idea what to do for dinner, and my husband hasn't been feeling the best, and here I am laying on the couch reading books, and typing on my nook. I feel so lazy, because there is so much to be done, and I don't feel like I can do it, because I don't want the bleeding to get worse. I won't know the results of the bloodwork until Monday, this is going to be a long weekend. This isn't a request for help, mostly just trying to vent my emotions. Prayers would be appreciated however.

Your room is messy

Today Guy was making a "town" in our family room.  I asked him to please take them downstairs to the playroom to play with them.  He then told me that there wasn't room down there because it was too messy.  So I told him that "Gunny Bag" was going to come and clean up down there if he didn't.  Aurora just got a dollhouse for her birthday a few days ago, and when she heard me say "gunny bag" she grabbed her dollhouse, and said, "I don't want this broken.  Can you help me carry this upstairs?"  So I asked her if she wanted it to go in her bedroom.  Guy took this as Aurora's way of saying that she didn't' want to clean it up, and if it was in her room it could be messy.

A few hours later I reminded Guy that "gunny bag" is coming, and if he doesn't want his toys to disappear he had better clean them up.  To which he responded, "I want to keep them in my room."  I told him he can only keep them in his room if he can keep them cleaned up.  Then I asked if his room was messy or clean.  "Messy" he said.  Then Aurora said, "my room is messy.  Your room is messy.  But there isn't anything on Daddy's side."

Guess I better clean my room too.

China colors

I have been awful about keeping up with my blog.  So many other things to do you know.  Anyway so hopefully I can put enough information in this post that it makes sense, but not so much that it all bogs down.

When Spike turned 1 his big present was a ball pit.  

The ball pit was put in our "rhino room"  (I will try to do a whole post about that later.)  Now this last week, Cinderella had a friend over, and they went to the rhino room to play, and I heard her friend ask if the balls were made in China.  Cinderella's response was "no, they are made of plastic."  Anyway I didn't hear anymore of that conversation.

Well last night I took Guy on a Mom date.  We went and bought shoes and then we went to Krispy Kreme and got doughnuts.  The doughnut he chose had sprinkles on it.  The sprinkles seemed to be an Easter theme, of blue, green and orange.  I asked Guy if he thought the sprinkles looked like Spring colors.  He said, "no, they look like China colors.  Don't you think they look like China colors?"  So I asked him what China colors were.  His reply was "yellow, blue, orange, and green."  I asked him where he learned that, and he said from Spike's balls, because they were made in China, so those colors are China colors.