So I have discovered lately that one of my biggest problems is not really knowing what I want. I have ideas of what kind of results I want, but find myself unsure of how to get there. I am afraid to initiate anything, because if no one responds it feels like personal rejection.
Lately I have been feeling the need to get out and interact with other adults. But if the group is too large I have a hard time drawing myself out, I just sit back and take things in, then go home feeling bad for myself because no one talked to me. But who did I talk to? Why do I get upset about others not reaching out to me, when I am not reaching out to them?
Sometimes, I will tell myself that I am going to do better this time, I am going to talk to someone, but when I look around, it seems like every one is already talking to someone, and I feel like I would be intruding to join in on their conversation. So then I try to watch for someone who isn't talking, and either I don't find anyone, or if I do they often don't seem to be interested in talking to me.
My husband suggested that maybe I could find a different group of people that get together like a book club or a choir. I don't want something that I have to commit to being active in for a long period, because I will need to take a break when the baby comes. So an audition choir group is probably out. I tried to do some research to see what is available near me already, and it seems what I can find is book clubs of religious nature that isn't mine, some so much to the extent that they are anti my religion. So I don't think that is the right place. There is a mommy group that specifies it is for non-Mormon mommies, so I don't know if I would be comfortable or wanted there.
There are some that sound fun but they aren't very close in location. So it would require a lot of driving if I wanted to attend very often. I could start my own group but I would feel obligated to keep it going when I have my baby, which I don't know if I would be able to do, and I am afraid I wouldn't get any interest, and so it would just be a big rejection.
I know that feeling like I need other people to provide my fun, will just leave me feeling depressed, but I'm not sure how to initiate activities, that others will want to come to, and not get my feelings hurt if no one shows.
Any suggestions?
2 comments:
I've been thinking about your post for awhile.
For me, the easiest targets are people that are brand new in my ward. I can walk up and introduce myself, get to know them, and since they are new, walking up and introducing yourself doesn't seem weird! :)
Maybe big group activities just aren't your "thing" right now.
Maybe what you need is just one or two good friends. I do like to be a part of crowds sometimes, but the best thing is having at least one very good friend. That friendship may take time to build, but it will get there!
For me, I try to find people who have stuff in common with me, and then I develop a good friendship with them. Sometimes it involves structured activities, but most of the time, it's a "how are you doing?" and catching up when we see each other at bigger activities that we are both attending (like Church or school functions).
For example, when I lived in Western Washington, there was a family that had kids the same age as mine. Usually our interaction was talking when we swapped our kids for babysitting. There would be an occasional dinner, and one time we got together to can a bunch of strawberry yummies, but most of the conversation and interaction happened in passing (at Church, swapping kids, etc...). Now that we're far apart, we're still good friends and keep in touch. In fact, we'll probably be getting together with them in a couple weeks when they are in state! You don't have to throw structured elaborate parties (or even attend them) to find a good friend! ;)
I think you best bet might be just spending time with one or two ladies at a time. Plan a "date night" in advance. Think of someone you want to spend time with and ask them out to a girls night. go out to dinner together or have a craft night at your house or theirs. Just one or two people at a time. it doesn't have to be a regularly scheduled thing, just on occasion when you feel like you need to get out. I've done dinner and a movie with a friend before and a craft night a few times with just two friends so its easy to stay part of the conversation.
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