Horse Breaking

First off I have to admit I have very limited experience with horses.  I took a rodeo class in college, and had a roommate who had horses and would sometimes take me riding.  So this analogy may be completely wrong.  So if you know better, don't judge me.

I once had someone say that horses will test their boundaries.  They feel safer if they know where their boundaries are, and where they fit in pecking order in their herd.  Who ever was telling me this (can't remember sorry,) compared this to raising children and teaching them their boundaries which they constantly will test, but will feel safer if they know where the boundaries are, and where they fit in the family infrastructure.

Now I really don't know anything about breaking horses, other than what I have been seen and read in books and movies.  So this is the part I may be really off on. 

An unbroken horse will try it's boundaries more than one who has been broken.  An unbroken horse will be harder to work with.  An unbroken horse wants to be the one in control and hasn't learned to trust that the people who are working with it will do what is right for it.  There are different ways to break a horse (I believe).  And each probably creates different results.

In the movie "Man from Snowy River" Jim, decides to try to break an unbroken horse that belongs to his boss.  Jim has methods of love and encouragement, vs the ranch hand who is supposed to break the horse who has methods of punishment and some might even say abuse.  Jim gets punished when it is discovered what he did.  Many of the other ranch hands think poorly of Jim because he comes from the mountains and don't trust his methods.  However toward the end of the story, it is his ability with horses that saves the day. 

I had an ah ha moment last night as I realized that these precious little girls who have joined our family, due to having experienced trauma, even just the trauma of being separated from a bio family, are kind of like unbroken horses.  They are constantly trying their limits.  More so than any other kids I have raised.  They want to be in control and make every decision that involves them, sometimes to their own detriment.    They lack trust, and felt safety. 

I could try to break them with harshness or with love.  It is up to me.  I will get better results with love, but it is also a more difficult process.  I have to control myself more, and not let frustration lead me.  But if I lead with love and acceptience, they one day may come to trust me, and regularly feel safe in our home.