Tuesday, July 17, 2012

What do I want? And how do I get it?

So I have discovered lately that one of my biggest problems is not really knowing what I want. I have ideas of what kind of results I want, but find myself unsure of how to get there. I am afraid to initiate anything, because if no one responds it feels like personal rejection.

Lately I have been feeling the need to get out and interact with other adults. But if the group is too large I have a hard time drawing myself out, I just sit back and take things in, then go home feeling bad for myself because no one talked to me. But who did I talk to? Why do I get upset about others not reaching out to me, when I am not reaching out to them?

Sometimes, I will tell myself that I am going to do better this time, I am going to talk to someone, but when I look around, it seems like every one is already talking to someone, and I feel like I would be intruding to join in on their conversation. So then I try to watch for someone who isn't talking, and either I don't find anyone, or if I do they often don't seem to be interested in talking to me.

My husband suggested that maybe I could find a different group of people that get together like a book club or a choir. I don't want something that I have to commit to being active in for a long period, because I will need to take a break when the baby comes. So an audition choir group is probably out. I tried to do some research to see what is available near me already, and it seems what I can find is book clubs of religious nature that isn't mine, some so much to the extent that they are anti my religion. So I don't think that is the right place. There is a mommy group that specifies it is for non-Mormon mommies, so I don't know if I would be comfortable or wanted there.

There are some that sound fun but they aren't very close in location. So it would require a lot of driving if I wanted to attend very often. I could start my own group but I would feel obligated to keep it going when I have my baby, which I don't know if I would be able to do, and I am afraid I wouldn't get any interest, and so it would just be a big rejection.

I know that feeling like I need other people to provide my fun, will just leave me feeling depressed, but I'm not sure how to initiate activities, that others will want to come to, and not get my feelings hurt if no one shows.

Any suggestions?

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Update 2

So I just thought I'd let y'all know I am doing much better. The bleeding stopped, and everything is looking the way it should.  The only downside is that I am still tired all the time, and dealing with morning sickness, but hey isn't that what the first trimester is all about?

My husband's brother and sister-in-law are helping me out by watching my older two kids for a few weeks.  Today was the first day, but it was nice to be handling just 2 kids instead of 4.

Anyway, thanks for the thoughts and prayers.