"You can have what you want, or you can have something better."

I am going through a bit of a trial right now, and what makes it really hard for me is it is something I feel like most people won't understand and so I don't really know who I can talk to about it, other than the Lord.  So it is a burden that is dragging me down.

I decided to make a blog post and see if that helps me at all.

Our beliefs are that our Father in Heaven (God), has a plan for each of us.  He wants us to be happy, and knows what decisions are best for us.  Like any loving parent.  Sometimes we have lots of choices that we can make and each choice can bless us as much as another.  IE do I want black or red licorice, it doesn't really matter, unless I really don't like one of those flavors.  However some choices are more important and have more long lasting effects.

For us in our family one of those choices we feel God has a strong interest in is where we live.  When we were right out of college, we wanted to have my husband find a job in Utah where my family is, and settle down there to raise our family.  But we felt the Lord had something else in mind.  The hubs got a job offer in Virginia, and after a lot of prayer we felt like that was where we needed to go.  It was hard to leave all of our family behind and head to the other end of the country where we knew no one.  However it was a big blessing for us.  We learned how to turn to each other, and others around us.  We made some great friendships, and grew a lot stronger in our marriage.

After about a year, when expecting baby number 2 (Guy), we knew the time was coming to move back closer to family.  We missed our family, and even though we loved Virginia we knew it was time to move on.  We made the preparations to move to a different apartment that would allow us more flexibility of when we could move (our current apartment needed 3 months notice, so we found one that we could give 30 days notice).  We were all ready to move, and then 2 days before our scheduled move date, my husband lost his job.  It was a blow, but once I got over the initial emotional shock, I knew it was time for us to go back west.  It took the hubs a bit more time to come to that conclusion, but he did, and we both knew it was what the Lord had in store for us.

We packed up a upack the next week, and headed out to Utah to be with family.  Or so we thought.  After about a month in Utah, the hubs was offered a job in Seattle WA.  I didn't want to go.  I wanted to stay where family was.  I was tired of being away from family.  The hubs didn't really want to go either, but as we prayed about it, we both felt directed that it was where the Lord wanted us.  We went, but we went with a negative attitude.  And due to our attitude, it took us a long time to learn to enjoy it there.  Once we changed our attitude however we made friends, and had some positive experiences.

When baby number 3 (Aurora) was on the way, we knew we wanted to move back closer to family.  We prayed about it and felt good.   The hubs was able to get a job in Utah and shortly before the baby was born we bought a house and moved in.  We loved being near family and loved our time in Utah.  However after 4 years I started feeling that there was somewhere else the Lord needed our family, and when the time to go came, we needed to be ready and willing to go.  The hubs wasn't sold on the idea.  He loved where we were, his job, our friends, etc.  However about 8 months later he asked me if I really thought the Lord wanted us to move on.  I told him I did.  He thought for a moment and said, it's Texas.  We need to go to Texas.

We prayed about it and I knew he was right.   We made plans to move there the following summer, after the kids finished the year they were in in school.  However that wasn't the plan the Lord had for us.  The hubs found a job listing at a company he had thought of many times.  I felt like he should apply so he did.  A month later he, I and Scooter, flew to TX for him to interview and me to look at houses.  We found a house that we loved, and just before we were to board our flight back to Utah the hubs got a call, offering him the job.  We knew it was what we were supposed to do, and a month later we were moving to Texas.  It wasn't at the end of the school year.  It was March.  We had to pull the kids out of some things they really loved, and it was hard to leave.  However, after being in Texas, Utah just didn't feel like home to me.  I knew we needed to go.

In moving to Texas in March, the children were put into school at kind of a rough time.  The area where we bought our house was a poorer area, and the schools there weren't that great.  After about 3 weeks, I made a choice I never thought I would make, and pulled the kids out of school to school them at home.  It was a hard choice, but one of the best choices I have ever made, and I know the Lord was guiding me in it.  I love the people I got to know while homeschooling.  They are some of the best friends I have ever made.  My children grew a LOT during that time.  And I learned a lot about my kids spending so much time with them.

After about a year and a half of homeschooling we started feeling the whisperings of the Spirit again, telling us there was somewhere else we were needed.  It was another hard decision, but I also knew the time was coming to put the kids back into school.  We stayed in the beautiful Texas area, but moved far enough away that the schools were so much better, and it was harder to see our homeschooling friends anymore.

I haven't been thrilled about the rental house we moved into, but other than that I love it here.  I can see so many ways my life has been blessed, during this time in Texas.

And here is where we come to the part of the trial I am dealing with now.  If you have stuck through all my ramblings to get to this part, I know some of you will feel the heartache I am feeling, and some of you will feel the joy I am feeling.

Recently the hubs and I have felt that the time is coming to put Texas behind us, and go back to Utah.  I don't want to leave.  I love it here.  I love the place and the people.   I told the Lord this,   and after that there was no doubt.  It is about time to leave.  We still aren't sure on the timing.  We are trying out a few different paths right now to see where they lead, but in the end for us at this time we know they will lead to Utah, back to our house there.  I am looking forward to going back and being near family and the wonderful friends we have there.  But my heart is breaking over leaving Texas.   It is a hard place to be, stuck between choosing over different things I love.  I know the Lord's path leads to Utah, and I am willing to do so.  But it is hard.    

Recently our Church had a world wide conference.  In that conference Elder Donald L. Hallstrom said, "Recently, I was in a meeting with Elder Jeffrey R. Holland. In teaching the principle that mortal life can be agonizing but our hardships have eternal purpose—even if we do not understand it at the time—Elder Holland said, “You can have what you want, or you can have something better.”"

This is an idea I am clinging to right now.  "You can have what you want, or you can have something better."    I am putting my trust in the Lord, that even though this is a really hard time for me, that in following the promptings I am feeling, I can have something better.

Does anyone read anymore?

Cinderella had her first saddening experience with school this time around.  It isn't terrible news, it could have been a lot worse.  It isn't even necessarily public school related, other than that is where the incident occurred.   It is just a little disappointing.

Cinderella came home from school yesterday and informed me that in one of her classes they were divided into groups to pick a movie and act out some scenes from it.  They would be recorded and then the whole class would watch the recordings.  Yesterday they were selecting what movie to use.   The group that Cinderella was in listed a bunch of movies.  Most of them are based off of books that Cinderella has read, but she hasn't seen the movies.  

When her group members heard she hadn't watched any of the movies, they told her she needed to go home and watch like 30 movies.  Cinderella told them that would be hard, because we don't have any PG-13 movies in our home.   The kids were shocked at this.  They were shocked that my 11 year old has never even seen an R rated movie.  Cinderella was shocked that they had. 

Cinderella then asked them "What ever happened to reading books?"  She was told "Welcome to 2016, people don't read anymore."  Cinderella's response was, "What a sad, sad existence."

-Please note this is written based on what I remember Cinderella telling me.  All may or may not have happened quite as described.

Well I've gone and done it

As part of the changes that occurred with moving we decided to consider the idea of putting the kids back into public school.

Cinderella was very excited.  She has missed some of the aspects of public school a lot.

Guy was kind of hit or miss.  Sometimes he wanted to stay home, other times he liked the idea of going back to school.

Aurora has never been to school.  She also still deals with a bit of the anxiety that she has had in the past about being separated from me.  However she has a desire to go to school, as well as some apprehension.  


Deciding to send them back to school is one of the hardest decisions I have ever made.  Even harder than choosing to homeschool them.  I now have knowledge of both sides of the equation.  I know what it is like to homeschool my children, the pluses and minuses.  I also know what it is like to send them to school, and the concerns that are to be had in that aspect.

Everyone has their opinions.  Home schoolers wonder why you would ever consider such a thing.  Public  schoolers wonder why you made the decision to homeschool in the first place.

The hubs and I have made it a matter of a lot of prayer, and felt like this was a step we need to take.  

Well today was their first day back.  It was interesting here at home.  I think this is the first time I have had only 2 kids home during the day since Aurora was born almost 7 years ago.    Spike and Scooter definitely loved the attention.   Spike wanted to play all day, and had a hard time understanding that I still had work I needed to do.  

I also  started potty training Scooter, today.   Something I think he is ready for.   He hates diaper changes.  So I think once he figures out how to recognize his cues and how that ties into the lack of diaper changes, I think we will be done with diapers.  

The hubs dropped the kids off today.  He said they just took off into the school and didn't look back.  We will see how things are when they get home in a bit.  

Scooter

Scooter is my two year old.  He is a very smiley, and happy kid, most of the time.  As we have been getting ready to move, he has proved to be one easily entertained.  As long as he can be near me, he finds something to play with.

Sometimes, it is that he comes across toy cars or blocks that got missed in the packing.  But a lot of the time he is using his imagination.  He often tells me "I a dinosaur"  or maybe it is a monkey, or a frog, rabbit, lion ect.  Then he goes on to act like such a creature.   And a lot of times it is, "I a baby dinosaur" or other creature.  And then he makes his baby voice into an even more baby voice and makes a crying type sound.  Then he lets me know I am the momma dinosaur, or what ever creature he is.  

He also likes to play with his hands.  He will personify each finger.  "This momma, this baby". Sometimes his dad and siblings make it into the list as well, but there is always mom and baby.  His fingers will then proceed to run around my shoulders and hide behind my neck, if I am holding him.  He also likes to pretend he is scared.

He has a stuffed pooh bear named "Poombee" and a stuffed Eyore named "Horsey". These are his favorite toys.  Poombee a bit more than Horsey.   Poombee has a floppy nose, where Scooter has chewed it so much that all the stuffing has come out.   Poombee sometimes goes every where with Scooter.    Lately Scooter will personify Poombee, holding out his paw to have him pick things up, clothes doors, or even pick out clothes.  

This last Sunday, Scooter didn't want to get dressed.  He wanted to stay in his "jams" or pajamas.  I held out two outfits for him to pick from.  Finally, Poombee picked an outfit.  Then Scooter proceeded to take the pants and try to put them on Poombee.  So I helped Scooter get Poombee dressed, then he let me get him in the other outfit.

He will also play with what ever he finds around.  Whether that is a bunch of plastic containers from the cupboard, a set of drawers in the garage, or even a permanent marker, I was foolish enough to leave where he could reach it, after labeling a box.  I am very thankful for magic eraser.  However, he could tell me exactly what he drew each time, before I cleaned it up.  A bird, and a baby airplane.  And if you looked closely at the scribble he made, you could see why he identified it as such.

Yes, Scooter is at a fun age.  I love him, and am very glad I have him as part of our family.

New Pictures Of Kids

Moving

I mentioned in my last post that we are trying to get our house on the market, so I decided to give y'all some more background info on that.

This last spring the hubs was lamenting to me that there aren't enough opportunities for us to go dancing together and in particular learn more dances.  He has had a recent interest in Latin dancing, but that is an area where both of us have little experience.  

Well as we were walking into church one Sunday in July, we noticed a poster advertising some adult salsa dancing with lessons, at another church building across town.  Of course we had to go. 

 As we arrived at our destination on the specified night, the hubs and I both felt some draw to the church building.  We did not mention this to each other however.  As the night progressed we met some other couples.  I instantly felt a connection to them, and found myself looking for some common ground, other than all of us being members of the same faith.  We were all parents, with some of our children being around the same ages, but there the similarities ended.  I found myself feeling emotionally let down by this fact.   I didn't mention any of this to the hubs at this point, but the draw to this location and to these people who live there continued to grow.

My belief is that God communicates to us through feelings, emotions, as well as thoughts and ideas.  And the feelings, thoughts, and ideas I felt that night planted a seed.  As we were driving home that night, the hubs and I started discussing this, and discovered that the other had had a similar experience.   The seed continued to grow into more of an idea.  

Shortly after this, the crime level of our neighborhood seemed to escalate.  There have been a number of break ins, and other criminal activity.  We live near a major road, and lately we seem to hear sirens all the time.  And to top it off, some developer is in the process of trying to get it approved to build a gas station on the lot next door.  We started feeling some ergency to move to a different location.  

However, we weren't completely willing to accept the idea that we should move to the area where we went salsa dancing.  Housing tends to be more expensive there, and it is farther away from where the hubs works.  But seeing as how we live pretty near his work right now, most places are farther away.  It is also farther from where our homeschool group meets.  

We considered a lot of different areas around here.  Liking each idea for a day or two, but then it would seem not quite the right choice.  We even considered the idea of moving back closer to family.  However, after about a month of switching around ideas, we were led back to our original idea.

I found a new homeschool group that has some older kids in it.  Our current homeschool group is awesome and amazing.  However, it has the down fall that all of the kids in it, other than 3 of them, are 8 and under.   Now, with homeschooling kids learn how to play with all kinds of ages, which is great.  But Cinderella misses having more friends her own age, which is why I started looking for another group, to add to our schedule.  This new group is centered a lot closer to the area where the dance was held, and as I drove to our first meetup with them, I started feeling those same kinds of feelings as the first night.

Our meetup was at a pool, and Guy ended up leaving his glasses.  So the next day we took a drive as a family to retrieve them.  The hubs was also feeling positive feelings, like we were back on track.  The house of the people who had picked up his glasses had a for lease sign in the front yard.  This got us thinking that maybe we could afford to lease instead of buying another house.  We started looking around that area on line for houses for rent.  In doing so, we came across a neighborhood that called out to both of us.  

Then one weekend we took a drive out there as a family, drove around the neighborhood, and had a picnic lunch.  It felt like we had come home.  I think even the kids felt it.  On the way back home, Guy asked us if we could move soon.  I asked him why, and he said, "because we found a place that I like."

So that is the basic explanation as to us getting ready to move.

Education

It has been quite a while since I last blogged.  Life has been hectic, and that hasn't changed.  We are getting ready to put our house on the market and move across town.  That in of it's self is an adventure.  However, I had a few minutes tonight as I am waiting for children to settle down for the night, and thought I would take a minute and write.

I spent the evening with one of my homeschooling friends, which has brought about some thoughts on my part.  As any of you who regularly read my blog know, we haven't always homeschooled.  Up until we moved to the great state of Texas, my two older children attended public school.  Their experience there was wonderful, and hard for us to leave.   We had high hopes for our new school.  However, after a mere three weeks, those hopes were dashed.  The message I got, loud and clear was "parents, are not needed in our school."  This did not jive well with me, and after a lot of prayer, I felt directed to take a path I had previously shunned.  That of homeschooling.

Homeschooling hasn't been all roses however.  Guy is a very stubborn child (hm, wonder where he got that from).  Working with him is a continuous uphill battle.  Aurora, has a lot of fears, these tend to hold her back.  Cinderella, could steer herself to the moon, if she decided she wanted too, but if you ask her to do something she finds overwhelming it is the end of the world.  Then there is Spike.  He wants to do what the older kids are doing, but really doesn't understand.  He tries however.  And Scooter, well he is your average two year old with his need for attention and play time with mom.  It is a hard balance, and one that I feel like I fail at.  

As we are getting ready to move, the hubs and I have considered the idea of putting the kids back into school.  They want to go, and in some ways I can see how it could be better for them.  However, I'm not sure I want to give up all the freedom I have found with homeschooling.  Anyway, as we face this debacle I have been pondering what I think some of the problems from today's education stem from.  And I know there are a lot of opinions out there.  Education is a hot topic.  However, I think something that can be a common problem in public education is the attitude.  

The public feel like a public education is not only a right, but a must.  When your child reaches school age, you put them in school, that is just what you do.  The school sees it as, we don't have a choice.  Our kids HAVE to go to school, and they HAVE to deal with them.  (I know I am generalizing here, and that not everyone, both on the side of the public and the schools see it this way.).   However some of these things are changing.  There are more charter schools available, and homeschooling is becoming more popular and accepted.  There is also the private school option.   

If we as parents, faced the situation looking at all the options, and addressed the schools in a way that let them know, we don't HAVE to send our children here.  You aren't our only option.  If I don't find your school acceptable, I can and will send my child(ren) elsewhere.   Over time would the attitude change?  I don't know.  I have the feeling if I walked into an elementary school, and asked to interview their 3rd grade teachers to decide if any of them were right for my child, I would be laughed out of the building.  But should I be?  I know as parents we can have skewed views on our children.  Every parent wants to believe their child is someone exceptional.  Bright and talented.  But I believe that we also know our children's weaknesses.  We know where they struggle and what kind of personalities they butt heads with.  

In reality, I think a school system that takes into consideration the opinions of the parent, and the opinions of the teachers, and the school, are the kind of schools that achieve true excellence.  And that, is what I think we should strive for.